Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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