I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize