i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the day after is always just damage control
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
