I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
