My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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