I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
