Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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