i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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