i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
