it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
