Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
