She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
