Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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