I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
