you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
