I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Randomize
