they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
