I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
