I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
