He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
