we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
