remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
