I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
