If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
