i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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