Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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