It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
