Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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