ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
