Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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