Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
