It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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