I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
