mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
