If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
