You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
