Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
