How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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