youre lurking in front of me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
