Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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