Your dad touched me again.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize