tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
