y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
