I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
