His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize