He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
