Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
