i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
did you just send me my own nude
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
