Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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