i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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