Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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