I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
