remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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