Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They took my balls.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
