I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Vodka?
Forever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
