I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
