I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
