I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
