that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
