the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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