did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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