I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
