Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
