what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
