So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
