saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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