I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize