shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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