the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The power of my boobs compel you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
