Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
