Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
