we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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