Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
