The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
this is an emotional support booty call
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
