No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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