what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize