The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
