I never want to see another naked old woman again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let's get the cat blown out
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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