Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize