At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
