Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize